Drowning in trepidation, anticipation of my father’s entrance from a long day at work wrought fear within my heart; even without cause for fear. Sometimes anxiety strangled love whatsoever. My father was an honest, hard-working man; he loved his wife well, and provided for his family. My father, like his father, inherited that sort of affectionless grit which flirt idealistic manhood; picturesque of Clint Eastwood, cigar fastened between grungy teeth, skin leathered from boiling sun and long days saddled up amidst cruel humanity. Only does such chivalry and glimpses of affection shone forth light upon the women he loves; and toward his sons, his own life he would give to protect, yet discipline and hopeful formation of toughness he stewards for those who will emulate his name and face in the days to come. One week till cancer consumed his final breath, the man preserved enough energies for one final strike at me; exhilaration bursting, I stood up, fake right jab followed by left hook to rib-cage, fake right jab followed by left hook to jaw-bone. Years of bitter emotion erupting heated moment; “I hate you,” forcefully bellowing loudly. Door slammed. My father died, Good Friday, April 18, 2003; I was nineteen-years old.
I grew up afraid and harbored hatred toward my father. Sitting in a prayer-room at age twenty-one I experienced a different kind of fear, a fear which pulsates at the center of salvation; scandalous mercy procured for the unworthy. Meditating on Matthew 5:21-22, the fear of the Lord bore down, struck by His presence, weightless as if floating above, peering upon my own body from above, my seared conscience awoke with bursting resolve of repentance toward rancor animosity festering beneath. My father’s face in mind’s eye, the Holy Spirit revealed the key to forgiving my father first required repentance. This set the stage to later have clarity for what forgiveness was necessary.
Good Friday is good because the only good Father’s (God) Son (Jesus), was “put forward as a propitiation by his blood, to be received by faith” [1]; that “by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body” [2], with zealous acts in response to the “obedience of faith” [3]. Good Friday is good because it set the stage for the giving of the necessary “helper” (the Holy Spirit), who “will teach you all things” [4]; Good Friday is good because it communicates to “all [meaning everyone] have sinned and fall short of the glory of God,” namely, God through Jesus Christ has provided mercy, “and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus” [5]. This is good news toward those who would receive it.
I remember thinking the day my dad died, “the only thing good about Good Friday is that he (my father) was dead. Sitting in an Applebee’s restaurant with my brother who sought to comfort me; he seemed somewhat shocked to find relief upon my face. The good news about Good Friday is the merciful grace supplied through Trinitarian application of salvation, namely; Trinitarian salvation gives undeserving “children of wrath” [6] “rest” for their weary souls [7], which they do not deserve nor have they earned [8].
On March 25, 2005 I found myself sitting in a prayer-room on Good Friday, reflecting on God’s gracious mercy. The Spirit countered my perceived need for emotional healing regarding my father by illuminating the poison decaying slowly the reservoir of my heart; i.e., unforgiveness (resentment). In fact, remedy for my embittered-heart stood not merely on forgiving my father, it stood first on repentance. Only after the Holy Spirit walked me through repentance could I begin to understand purely how to forgive. Where rage once occupied, repentance quenched my unforgiveness. My freedom from bitter-resentment came by a grace to humbly acknowledge my own heart first. Christ died to make this happen; and the Spirit honors Christ’ death by sanctifying those who love God, unto maturity. Repentance and forgiveness work hand in hand. Amen.
Good Friday is good, firstly, for my father who accepted Christ as Savior the last month of His life-to which is picturesque of the mercy of God to save a thief condemned to die by crucifixion at the Savior’s side [9]. Good Friday is good because Christ died for a hopeless wretch such as I, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly. For one will scarcely die for a righteous person…-but God who shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us” [10]. Today is Good Friday-let us reflect on the mercy of God to send His’ Son. Let us also, by the “obedience of faith,” seek to be merciful as He is merciful, serving Him with sacrificial lives as an offering of worship [11]. Let us seek through diligent obedience, knowing there is grace for weakness, give ourselves to the restoration of our “image-bearing” [12], for the sake of Christ’ glory being made known among the nations. And foremost, let us meditate daily on His gracious mercy, relying centrally on the grace of God in life and in death.
Works Cited
[1] Romans 3:25
[2] Romans 8:13
[3] Romans 1:5
[4] John 14:26
[5] Romans 3:23, 24
[6] Ephesians 2:3
[7] Matthew 11:28
[8] Ephesians 2:8, 9
[9] Luke. 23:30-43
[10] Romans 5:6-8
[11] Romans 12:1-3
[12] Genesis 1:27